Someone pretty Awesome and Amazing whispered in my ear once, "Have faith". Not only am I an overthinker, but I'm stubborn to boot. I really am too smart for my own good and become my own worst enemy. But, fine...faith. So I set about studying, testing, proving and disproving faith. I read books, I read the bible, I talked about it, I prayed about it. When I was first exploring faith, I was also becoming newly re-acquainted with God after a long period of The Silent Treatment. So I would pray these long, elaborate prayers telling God how things were going to go. I'm sure if you listened in it would have sounded like trade negotiations between warring countries....a lose-lose scenario all the way around.
I'd do one of two things. I'd get frustrated and/or desperate and surrender a big thing to Him, let Him work his miracle, then I'd take back over to manage (control) the details. Or, I'd test faith by putting forth some sort of ultimatum about some small issue. Talk about doing things the hard way. But as time passed, as I learned more about faith and as God continued to patiently shower me in gentle grace, I became more and more comfortable trusting Him with both big and small things.
Light Bulb Moment!
The key was that I started to discover the distinct relationship between fear and faith. Everytime I was struggling to trust God with something, I was able to admit feeling very fearful about the outcome of the same something. Being able to let go of my fears is directly proportionate to me being able to let faith rush in. As I come to understand the faith/fear ratio more clearly, it becomes so much easier to trust God. My prayers become less elaborate, knowing the final outcome and timeline become less important...and I worry so much less.
Being a single mom, money is always a concern, and this is where God has taught me my best lessons with faith. Also self-employed, I'd become downright frantic about my next paycheck and where it might come from. I'd worry about my lights staying on, I'd worry about feeding my kids, I'd worry about gas in my car, etc., etc., etc. Again, I'd pray these elaborate, self-piting prayers...asking that so and so sign a contract because I really really needed the money for such and such. One day, exhauste from worry, I just stopped and said, "God bless my bank account". And guess what? I didn't win the lottery, but my lights stayed on, food was on my table, my car never ran out of gas. I don't always have money, but I'm always taken care of, one way or another. Nice side benefit, I've learned gratitude on a much deeper level. But that's a whole 'nuther post.
God knows what we want, He knows what we need. But more importantly He knows what our ultimate potential is and how that will work into His plan for us. Take fear out of the equation (sometimes our first prayer!) and share with God your hopes, dreams and desires. His intention for you will far outshine anything you can imagine. A simple "God bless this mess I've made", a humble willingness to do the footwork, and patience is all it takes.
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