All I Want for Christmas....is a BIG HUG!

'Tis the season....for celebrating, for reflecting, for giving, for family and all things merry and bright.  But for many it is a dreaded time of year when we wrestling with the little demons that hide in our dark corners. Depression, loneliness, anxiety, family dysfunction and various afflictions of the body and spirit find their way to center stage of our lives.  Maybe we are recently alone, due to divorce, death of a loved one, relocation...or any other normal life event.  Sometimes these things have to happen, but that doesn't necessarily take away the pain of the accompanying loneliness.

I usually don't mind being alone as I've always been a more solitary person since early childhood. I actually need and enjoy time to myself, and almost never have a problem entertaining myself.  But this year has been different; I have not experienced deep aching loneliness like this ever.  And I have to add I have not dealt with it as graciously as I would have liked.  There has been a lot of self-pity involved and a little dancing with the demons, to put it politely.

This morning, as I opened my bible to Psalms, I started reading at Psalms 23...which is a very good place for the lonely to start.  But I read through Psalms 25 and verses 16-21 reached into my heart, soothing some of that ache.  I immediately used this Psalm as a prayer...adding "Father, please.." to the beginning of each verse.  Please read:

Psalms 25: 16-21 ~

16 - (Father, please) Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted. 

 17 - (Father, please) Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.

18 - (Father, please) Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.

19 - (Father, please) See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me! 

 20 - (Father, please) Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.

21 - (Father, please) May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord, is in you.

For those that suffer during this time of year, this is a humble, honest, beautiful plea to our Father for the love and grace only He can provide.  Many that are lonely this time of year turn to various addictions...alcohol, drugs, spending, eating and so many more.  Addictions are truly afflictions and troubles of the heart, that cause spiritual anguish and exacerbate emotional and physical anguish.  When we get caught up in cycles of addiction and sin, shame is close behind and we further isolate ourselves, intentionally or unintentionally from the solution....the company of family, friends, fellowship and most of all God, all those that love us in their unique ways.  

We start to categorize the very solution as the problem, as our enemy.  We play mind games with ourselves, making all sorts of excuses based on the sore spots in our lives...relationships, finances, family history, etc., etc.  We become resentful of our loved ones, of our jobs, pitying ourselves and pulling at any loose thread we can find to justify unraveling our well being, self-medicating instead of surrendering it all to our Father.

If this sounds like someone you know, I would urge you to reach out to the folks in your life that may be hurting, in any way that you can.  Even a simple phone call, text message or email saying "I'm thinking about you" can mean so much to someone that is in the depths of depression.  Invite them to celebrate with you, and if that isn't possible, then invite them to a cup of coffee or drop off a meal.  Sometimes, they are so deep in despair that they cannot pull themselves out, and a simple kind gesture, even if they don't accept or acknowledge it, is the leg-up out of the pit they need.  And pray for them...there's nothing more powerful that we can do for one another.

If this message is ringing true to you as one who is grappling with loneliness, depression, anguish, addiction or heartache right now, use Psalm 25: 16-21 as your Christmas prayer.  Ask God to grace you with His love, providing for you the integrity and protection you need in your life to get through the holiday season.  He understands that we turn to our vices when we hurt, He understands pain like no one else can, but He is also ready and willing to deliver us from our sin, from our shame, from our pain and anguish.  Let Him shine His brilliant light into our darkest corners, chasing away the demons that have taken up residence there.  All we have to do is ask, to lay our broken hearts in His lap, allowing Him do His best work.  Almost more importantly, listen for His answers...they may come as opportunities to serve others, to express gratitude, to heal and to love.  In other words, He will find things to keep us busy, in order to keep us out of trouble.

Wishing you much peace and joy this Christmas! 

Reflections

It's been nearly a month since I've written...anything.  I'm a pretty avid journaler, emailer, letterer and recent blogger.  It hasn't been a matter of writer's block or lack of subject matter.  I have gotten a bit busy and overwhelmed with some things, but that doesn't usually stop me for too long from writing.  No, I just turned inward for a bit and did some learning, growing, soul-searching.  I've also spent some time just being alone, being comfortable in it, getting "aclimated".  So now, here's me "catching up"...sorry, it's lengthy :).

I had an experience this last week that came to a head last weekend.  It very much felt like a spiritual battle.  Many of my old wounds were reopened and I cried for nearly three days straight.  Wounds that I thought had been healed long ago.  But I will say my King got me through it.  I was graced with strength and resolve to not engage in harmful "self-soothing" behavior.  I sat in my pain and felt it, free of fear, which was a very bizarre awareness.  I felt that my faith very much was being tested, and believe me, they pulled out all the stops, but ultimately, I was safely delivered to the other side.  On this side of it, I feel armed, I feel strong and courageous, but humbly so as it is completely Spirit-borne.  I feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever have.  I'm still reflecting on the experience days later; here are some of my thoughts:

Reflection #1:  Giving truly is about giving.  You cannot give and expect to receive in return, or it isn't truly giving, it's negotiating an exchange.  Even if you don't ever verbalize it and only hold on to the expectation of reciprocity. I have two people in my life that I had been sharing with on many levels.  This last weekend I was wanting someone, anyone, to rescue me from my pain and make me feel better.  When neither of these people were available, it was salt on my already bleeding wounds.  I was very much alone in my anguish and in the darkest part of it I truly had to turn to God with my broken heart and spirit.  I've had a few days to reflect on the ordeal (it truly was an ordeal of spiritual proportions) and I have come to appreciate the true spirit and meaning of giving.  I am appreciating the lesson of being delivered from my pain by my Heavenly Father.  If anyone had "rescued" me, I would not have gained that lesson.  He truly is there in our darkest hours, just patiently waiting for us to ask.  I have since been able to let go of my anger, disappointment and pain that I felt regarding the ones I was expecting to be there for me.  And I can continue to love them.

Reflection #2:  Fear truly is an ugly beast.  Along the lines of giving, I had been sharing my material resources with a friend in need recently.  Being self-employed, my resources wear thin in the winter months, and I made a promise to my kids and myself that that would not happen this year, so I have been proactively tightening the belt.  At about the same time, I felt that sharing my material resources was not truly helping my friend improve her situation for the long-term.  So I offered several times in several different ways my intellectual, emotional and spirtual resources to help her improve her material situation, namely in finding a job.  I was met with excuses, unjust justifications, self-pity and much fear. 

Unfortunately, I became impatient with her, pushing harder than she could tolerate, and I feel the friendship has ended because of it.  I hold myself to a high standard when it comes to self-pity (not allowed) and fear (limited to healthy measures), and I sometimes unfairly hold others to that same standard without giving them the room to be who they are.  My former friend's fears run very deep.  They run deep enough to cause her to avoid really stepping into the wonderful, dynamic, successful person I know God has designed her to be.  Those fears have a strong enough hold to allow her to use people until they are used up, and then discard them, instead of becoming self-reliant.  There is part of me that is saddened by the friendship ending, but then the recoverying co-dependant in me also realizes that maybe it's best.  I harbor no animosity, I miss her, but also understand that me maintaining healthy boundaries, fortified by the new-found assurance, strength and courage I was graced with this last weekend, may bring an end to ultimately unhealthy relationships with people who allow fear to rule their hearts.

Reflection #3:  Ultimately, relationships with others don't "fix" the broken parts of us.  As a recovering relationship "junkie" I used to always look to others for my self-worth, for purpose, for value, and ultimately for love.  A truly intimate relationship with God is the only "fix".  Can He work through others and our relationships with them?  Absolutely, and He does every single day.  But He has to always come first.  Always.  He needs to be the ultimate source of self-worth, purpose and love.  Having that sort of relationship with God will guard your heart and vulnerabilities against the pain that we as humans can inflict on each other in our relationships.  It gives us the autonomy to not be defensive, to be compassionate and non-judgemental, to be more truly loving and giving in our relationships with others.  That one-on-one relationship with God also gives us the independance to gracefully and lovingly mend or end the unhealthy relationships we find ourselves in.  

How do we know He's working His Plan through our relationships with each other?  When the relationships encourage you, when they challenge you and build you up physically, emotionally and spiritually.  When you are a better person for having participated in the relationship, even if it does come to an end.  I believe that God puts every single person in your life, and you in theirs for a mutual purpose of spiritual growth.  It's up to us to choose that path with that person.  I'd even venture to say that every conflict in a relationship has it's origin in a spiritual conflict.  Get right with God, get right with each other, and you can't go wrong.

Please take time to reflect on even your painful experiences, instead of ignoring them or stuffing them.  Talk them over with yourself and with God.  Learn from them, grow in leaps and bounds from them. They may just be part of the Big Plan, so make the most of 'em.  With lots of love....