Word Study: Sympathy vs. Compassion

I've long mused over the difference between sympathy and compassion.  Going to the dictionary, sympathy is sharing like feelings, good or bad.  Compassion is a sharing of someone's suffering with a compelling desire to alleviate that suffering.  The example I have in my mind is this:

 A man is walking down the street, trying to carry a piano on his back all by himself.  The piano tips irregularily and causes him to veer this way and that, endangering others.  The man is sweating bullets and is really struggling under the burden.  Sympathy, a frequent bystander, says, "Gosh, that's quite a burden you've got there.  That must be a real struggle.  I'm sorry you're in that predicament" and is usually reluctant to help in any truly meaningful way.  Compassion, a rare friend, on the other hand, rushes forward and picks up one end of the piano, helping the man to his destination cheerfully, happy to help, no expectation of return.

Where it gets tricky, is when the man carries the same piano down the same street day after day wanting the attention from the crowd of "sympathizers".  The pain of the burden is mildly soothed by the attention of the crowd, the crowd is happy to justify their lack of real involvement by the man's enjoyment of their half-hearted sympathies. Compassion rushes forward and the man resists the help, because he will no longer receive the constant attention of the multitude of sympathizers.   Even worse, is when the man says, "Friend, I don't want your help, just your attention". Carrying that piano everyday has become the man's purpose, the pain his identity, so that much so that his fear of losing the shallow love of the sympathizers tied to this false purpose and identity prevents him from allowing compassion to open him up to his true purpose, true identity and true love, that can only come from God. Compassion is then forced to stand idly by, refusing to become a sympathizer.  The great thing about compassion, though, is that it never gives up.  It will keep walking down that street every day, ready to jump in when the man is ready for real help.

In spiritual terms, I believe sympathy is earthly, whereas compassion is spirit granted.  There have been plenty of times where I have felt driven and compelled to help someone in some manner, when my sensibilities said otherwise.  I have had occasion to be graced with unimaginable assistance, completely unexpected and illogical on earthly terms.  Oftentimes, you are overcome with the spirit of compassion and you just don't even think about it.  It's unquestionable and you find your self graced with the impossible, whether giving or receiving in the act of compassion. 

Please allow the spirit of compassion to grace your life.  Be willing to answer when it calls you to act and be willing to receive when it lays gifts at your feet.

Receiving = Giving = Receiving

My more distant past had me in a place where I could financially give.  My recent past had me in a place where I had to learn to receive.  I'm now enjoying a place where I can give again.  Our society and culture assign a much different connotation to giving than receiving.  For the most part it is often openly vocalized that it's "good" to give to others less fortunate.  The unspoken part of that equation is that it's "bad" to be in a position to need that sort of assistance and to even ask for assistance when we need it.  Under the guise of doing good, many givers use giving as a way to stroke their own egos, to feel better about themselves, often making their efforts public or bragging about it.  There's no more selfish way of going about what should be an unselfish act.  I can say that I was very guilty of this sort of giving in my past.

It wasn't until I was in position of needing help that I learned the true spirit of giving.  Early in my single-motherhood, I had a serious back injury and had no choice but to let other people give.  They had to give me sponge baths, they had to do my dirty laundry, they had to cook in my kitchen.  They had to drive me around, lend me money, pay my bills and "hold my hair" when pain meds made me sick.  I had no choice but to receive.  It very much bruised my ego, made me feel very needy and burdensome.  It did not take long for me to learn the humble spirit of receiving resides in gratitude.  If I denied help or was resentful and ungrateful, I actually hurt the ones that were trying to help me the most.  I needed the help so I had to very quickly swallow my pride and give the only thing I had in return...gratitude.

At the same time I was very much struggling with money-control issues left over from my marriage.  Money stress had been making me crazy and I would make fear based decisions that left me broke, financially, spiritually and emotionally.  As I prayed for more paychecks, my day to day needs were quietly met through gifts of food, gift cards, small gifts of cash, medical bills being forgiven, etc.  It was through other people's giving that I gained lessons of faith, gratitude and humility.

I'm now, very gratefully in a position to be giving to others, and God has provided opportunity to help make a difference in lives close to mine.  But my giving this time is very different.  It isn't about me and my ego, it's about what the person receiving truly needs.  Sometimes it's cash, sometimes it's a full gas tank, sometimes it's a hot meal, sometimes it's just an ear and a shoulder.  But now that my ego is out of the way, I can give my whole self to the opportunity, and meet the true need.  The gift is not the money or food, the gift is the acceptance and non-judgemental support.  What I gain in return is learning the value of gracious giving, of learning how to meet the needs of others out of love and acceptance, not fear and rejection.

Do not feel bad about needing.  Givers can't give without someone needing their gift.  It's a two way street, receivers need givers, givers need receivers.  Again, do not feel bad about needing, do not feel resentful about giving....you are not giving/receiving actual items like food and clothing and money.  What you are giving and receiving is the opportunity to learn deeper meanings of the spiritual truths of unselfishness, humility, compassion, gratitude, grace and love.  You are being God's instrument of their spiritual growth.  Deny giving or receiving from one another, you deny God's gifts.  If you can have this understanding, then you don't expect repayment for your giving..because in your giving you have already received abundantly in spirit.  All you hope for is that whomever received your gift will in turn give to someone else in need....and there is always someone in more need than you.