Update: Patience

Funny how when you just set your mindset to something it starts to materialize.  I'm 19 days into a 21 day e-course on patience.  The concept and practices have been broken down into bite size pieces that are easier to swallow, digest and practice.  And I feel like it's been working.  I'm knee-jerk reacting less and more carefully and thoughtfully responding more.  I'm always my own toughest critic, and I'm being more patient with myself and others.

A side effect that I didn't expect is how actively practicing more patience is making me slow the heck down on lots of things, really think about them and come to more meaningful conclusions and decisions.  Now when confronted with issues, situations, less than ideal circumstances, etc., I am thinking about what's important to me, what's going to be the best outcome for me and does this outcome meet my blossoming higher standards of self-respect, self-worth, trust and what's acceptable in my life despite the positive or negative emotions involved.  And I'm finding that, for the first time in my life, I'm choosing the sometimes more difficult path to adhere to those standards. 

Why?  Because my life depends on it.  My physical, emotional and spiritual well-being depend on my being true to the perfect creation God created me to be.  He doesn't make mistakes, people do.  My injuries and wounds have for two long held me hostage to other people's injuries and wounds.  I know that that isn't God's will for me.  I have to believe that He wants me to be content, to feel loved, respected, trusted.  And I believe that He has given me permission to no longer tolerate repeated behavior from myself and others that leaves me feeling anything less than.

Saying goodbye to people you love that don't treat you well is hard, difficult and painful.  But through my faith I have reassurance that I'm on the right path, that being alone is better than allowing myself to be treated poorly. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Patience :)

So I'm chronically impatient.  It used to be because I wanted to control things, know the outcome of things...and while there may still be a grain of truth in that, I'm realizing that it's just part of my personality.  My brain goes in high gear most of the time, so if I perceive a solution or a certain path I wanna get up and get goin' on it :).  I'm a doer...another chronic problem, I often leap before I look.  But being impatient doesn't do any good for anyone, especially me.

I'm becoming impatient with a couple different threads in my life.  One is my spiritual path, what I believe to be my calling.  I know on an intellectual level that I'm not ready, but then my heart just wants to leap forth, especially when I see someone in need.  I have to keep reminding myself that I could do more damage than good if I jump in too soon.  So patience apparently is the answer.

I'm also having flashes of impatience with a personal relationship.  This is also a reoccuring theme in many of my relationships.  But this one in particular, my impatience could outright end the relationship and I certainly don't want to do that.  I have to respect the path that we are both traveling and accept that we are in different places, God does have a plan and I just have to trust it.  He hasn't let me down yet and is constantly surprising me, exceeding my expectations.  So again, patience is the answer.



We can't buy patience, but we purchase a reminder :)
Purchased here: http://www.islandcowgirl.com/item.php?item_id=720

You have to imagine my shear joy, relief, light bulb moment elation when I visited one of my favorite websites, www.spiritualityandpractice.com , looking for excerises I could do to expand my capacity for patience, and came across a 21 day course called "Patience Builders".  WooooHooooo! In just 21 short days I'm going to be a pillar of grace and patience!  I immediately abandoned the work I was supposed to be doing, hurriedly rummaging through my purse for my credit card. 

Clicking through the registration, I had the option of picking the schedule of delivery for the lessons....daily, weekly, bi-weekly, or tri-weekly.  Really?  For a class about patience?  How many people are going to pick once a week?  So of course I pick daily.  As I click the "schedule" button, I immediately switch tabs to watch my email inbox for the first lesson.  And I watch.  And I refresh.  And I watch and refresh.  I click back over to the registration page, click my accounts, click archives...and promptly receive a message that says, "there are no archived lessons because your subscription has not yet started".

You mean I have to wait an entire night to start?  Now you're really trying my patience.....oh...ya....that's why I'm here.  Ok.  So the real first lesson has already arrived.  I can wait.  Really, I can.  So I had a good, humbling chuckle at myself.  Stay tuned, I'll keep ya "posted" on my patience progress.

Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself then you're in real trouble, right?  <----- said as I hit refresh just one more time :).